My introduction piece was all about me and my issues, but I didn’t really delve into the man my father was and the reason(s) why it was so hard to lose him.  When you have two awesome parents like I do, they become more than just guardians.  My mom and dad raised me with straight up love and nothing but, never hesitating to talk to my sisters and me.  As a result, they were not only my parents, but my best friends.   So without further adieu let me introduce my pops.

Joseph “Jeff” Francis Trota was the greatest man I’ve ever known and believe ever will know, hands down. One of his best traits was that he was very cool headed. There was very few times where I saw him loose it, and in the extremely rare occasion that he did you knew it was very serious.  He was always the one that I would go and talk to about my problems and different situations that I needed advice with.  He definitely remained cool under pressure.  The second characteristic that I loved about my pops was his love for sports, which I inherited no doubt.  When he was younger there wasn’t a sport that he didn’t play.  From the normal sports that included basketball, football, and baseball to some of the less conventional sports like tennis and hockey.   This passion for sports followed him up to the days when my sisters and I began to play.  He was that dad yelling and cheering for us on the sidelines, making it to every event possible.   My dad was a firefighter and I remember he would get permission to take the engine up to my games with all the guys when I started playing tee-ball.  That didn’t mean a lot to me then but as I grew older I began really appreciate that and loved him for it.  Not only was he that dad cheering for his own kids enthusiastically but he also cheered for all my friends and all the others on our teams as well.  I know for a fact that my buddies appreciated that as well and had a great relationship with my father for it.

Now the strongest of these characteristics of my pops was that he was very family orientated, ambitious, and hard working.  Not only was he a firefighter but a handyman, and a real estate agent on the side.  He knew that he must do these things in order for his family to have the best life possible.  I grew up in a not so good city called Waterbury, riddled with drugs, violence, and not a very good education system.  He labored these jobs so that he could move my family to the big house in the country that he helped build himself, where I currently reside.  And for that I owe him the same hard working and ambitious attitude that he himself sacrificed for my family.  I remember as a young kid always wanting to work, especially around the age of 12 or 13.  It’s funny because even that young I always felt bad about taking money from my parent and strived to work hard, mowing lawns and carrying out odd jobs with my friends in order to make my own money.  I can remember my family always doing things together as well.  We were never apart, going on day trips, family vacations to various destinations in the U.S., and family dinners at home and out.  There was never a time that we did not do things as a unit and for that I am thankful.

My pops was many other things as well be these are the traits that I respected and loved him most for.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t ponder about those very characteristics because everyday I try to be a little bit more like him in everything that I do.  He was my very best friend and I loved him with all my heart.  It’s very sad that he is not here to witness the things that I do and the man that I have and will become.  I am always trying to achieve greater and better things and he is my model for aptitude.  I made a promise to myself that in the coming years when I have a family of my own, that I will treat and provide for them the same way that my dad did because I am very proud to say that I was raised that way.  I know at this moment that my pops is watching over me and I just want to say that You are one of the best and most admirable people I will ever get to know my entire life.  Thank you for every thing and I love & miss you with all my heart.

A friend of mine, and then a friend of jessicas. her friend is one of those religious idiots.  sheep following the herd.  worse though, she is republican because she thinks that she will be thought of as wealthy/become wealthy. idiot. nice enough, but idiot none the less.

That was a direct quote from my Uncle.  I didn’t stop laughing for about five minutes.  I haven’t talked to him in months, but it was good to know that I could pick up right were I left off.

Day 52 happened to be a Sunday.  A busy day, but also a day I was able to reconnect with my sanity.  I was happy, things ran smoothly without incident, for the most part.  I really look forward to days like this because for the most part I am able to laugh just about anything off or not let small incidents completely affect me even though my sanity has been stretched to the maximum.  I have set some major goals for myself this week to finish at least two more Minus the Beats posts and begin to find a way to publish or self publish it.

So a question to posed to a person I follow online and I only thought it appropriate to share it with the world in the spirit of my brother getting married.  The question was: Don’t You think that getting engaged at 20 is a little too hasty? The answer went as follows, and mind you, this is the one of the best answers I have heard for such a question:  “Omg you sound like my mom. But at 15 I got my heartbroken, I gave -who must not be named- my V card and he ripped me to fucking shreds. You see at that age Guys have the power to mold you. they can mold you into a saddistic freak who lurks in the dark for men and cut their dicks off to feel better, or women who is so terrified of love that all she does is have sex with men, wanting their bodies and not their behavior and the usual let down, or they become withdrawn and their heart shrinks and become shriveled and has horrible dreams off knives in their cunt because thats what heartbreak feels like at that age. && the pain doesnt cease it lasts until your 19. In my case all of those things happened and the guy with the most balls to still love me and dismiss my fears and kneel at my tears is the guy Im going to marry. At night he kisses my chest not my lips because he says all he wants to do for the rest of his life is make my heart feel better. so no I dont think its to hasty at all.”

I guess I’d ask everyone to truly taken in that response.

side note: even been so tired you can’t even complain about being tired?

When your average day consists of controlling an entire story and all the actions within its 4 walls for 12 hours a day, it gets to you after a while.  The best part about life is overcoming these great challenges and in the end reaping the benefits from it.  I, unfortunately, have not had time to work in the thing I love the most, writing, the past few days. I believe that I have told you all before that it tends to get a little sketchy towards the end of the week and sometimes have trouble sitting down at midnight after a 13 hour day to write about my day.  At that point it becomes so biased because my sanity has been stretched so tight it would snap at the slightest touch.  These are the times of day that the Charmin commercials, that has the bear with irritable bowel syndrome sitting up in the tree wiping his ass, seem like a good idea.  Beer, at this point, might as well be NyQuil or some other drug that put you to sleep, because I found it hard to stay awake at a bar that was louder than an Iron Maiden concert.  So the next beer I had at home was reminiscent of the days of the baby bottle in the crib, sans nipple and blanky.

A new cousin of mine has just entered the world, his name is Dawson Edward and according to my uncle, “big ole fire hose on em with a bigger holding tank.”  It’s definitely a good thing to take bride in the things you create in the world, my uncle is not exception.

side note: i hate when people are like, “It’s okay that we are a couple minutes late, the previous are like 15 minutes long.”  First off, no they are not.  They show 5 trailers which average one minute in length.  Second, I like the trailers and want to see every single one, because the one I miss will the be only one I want to see and have to watch all the trailers for the biggest Hollywood flops of 20XX, staring J. Lo or some no name jock from Who-Gives-A-Fuck-ville, Montana.

Quote of the Year: “I am the burger slut.” – Random Customer. I just wanted to high five her.

Valentine’s Day people watching is better than any other people watching day.  There is no shortage of unhappy couples out there and even less of the unhappy couples that try to act happy were are more apparent than the aforementioned.  They tend to walk around everywhere and make everything around them miserable and ruin everyone else’s day without even trying.  The degrees of happiness is also startling to me as well.  Those who will just go through the motions of this ridiculous made up holiday and then those who demand perfection on an otherwise impossibly perfect day.  Cliffnotes: No matter what guys do, we will fail in our attempts to please.

This was fun.  I witnessed something that definitely startled me a bit on this day.  Being it Love Day I figured, quite naively, that most people would be willing to work with me a bit, not true.  I guess, today, we are all held to a higher standard, now that I know that I’ll be prepared for next year.  Anyways, I digress, I dropped a pencil and I didn’t immediately pick it up.  Ten people surrounded me, so I figured that I’d finish what I was doing and pick up after or perhaps someone would help me out.  Luckily, a small child was willing to help me out. Nice story right?  Where this story takes an interesting turn is where the father says to the daughter, “No! Don’t pick that up…”  The little girl did it any way and I thanked her.  I am not a parent right now and I don’t pretend to be, but people, you SHOULD teach your children to help others.  Something as small as that means a lot to the most unsuspecting stranger.  This stranger being me  today.  Not to mention, this makes you look like a great parent when you congratulate them for helping someone out.

Unfortunately, I was not able to spend Valentine’s with my special someone, but I will be making a point to do something special in the coming week.  I am thankful that she is understand when it comes to my ridiculous work schedule.

side note: i like the way nerve racking sounds.  i love expressions that almost make a sound when you say them.

I was in the mall the other day and I stepped onto the escalator and began walking down the steps and onto the lower floor.  Then it hit me.  Remember when we were kids and we would literally beg our parents to just let us ride the mechanical steps?  They would sometimes oblige, but for the most part they’d drag us down by our arm and our feet dragging across the metal steps.  It was something about the way the light would occasionally show through the cracks that mesmerized our simple minds, like we were searching for another world.

DANGER! This sign meant nothing to us.  Our favorite bouncy ball could be at the bottom of a pile of butcher knives and we’d still dive in head first after it.  The young, nubile mind is forever learning its surroundings and demands stimuli.  As we age and become “wiser” we feel the need to not interact with our surroundings as much.  Ignorance is bliss becomes our motto.  If it doesn’t bother me, I don’t want to know about it.  As I watch a small boy move back and forth, touching the wall and tree trucks that lined the walk way, it made me miss being a kid, more and more.

Our love for our parents.  As children we are constantly loved by our parents.  They are they to teach us how to be respectable adults so that we can one day do the same for our children.  As we grow up we take it all for granted that they will always have that affection.  The truth is, it’s not that they want to forget us or the love us any less.  They are willing to relinquish control in order for us to become the adult we were meant to be and not they one they want us to be.  The more I want my parents and I talk and watch my half brother and sister grow up in a loving home, the more I realize this.

side note:  what does success mean to you?

I don’t really want to use this entry as a sob story, but the fact is, you give credit where credit is due.  No matter what my staff may believe about my thoughts of them, they are some of the best people I’ve worked with.  I’m not sure I’d trade them for anyone else and do not look forward to the day when any of them say their final goodbye.  I would sooner welcome one of my family members moving 5000 miles away.

All this didn’t come to me until I was exiting the building and walking up the street towards my car.  I turned for a second and realized that I was leaving the store in the hands of people I trusted.  People that I knew would get the job done and be ready to go harder and faster the next day.  So for those of you who don’t know and happen to be reading this, thanks for your hard work.

Of course, a special thanks to my Mom who puts up with my bullshit for 24 years now.  No one has gotten it worse that her.  Pops, even though you can’t read this probably, thanks for sticking by as well even being so far away and through all the troubles.  Like Mom, you have always given everything even when you didn’t have it all.  Pete, your the little man, my lil’ bro.  I can thank you for being the exact opposite of me.  He helped balance the Shaggy equation.  The list is endless.

If this bored you then…well I don’t really care, it needed to be said.  2010 is a new year and with a new year comes new beginnings.  No one should go unthanked.

side note: i may or may not be OCD….i’ll have to check again.
current music: Buddy Guy

I had lunch with my mom and uncle today.  We went to an “American Joint” in the center of town.  I chose to inhale the corned beef reuben.  I haven’t seen my mom in a few weeks and my uncle in probably a few months.  It was great catching up with them.

I had two meetings after that, one discussing marketing my restaurant and the other to create a brand new television show.  We are making head way and let’s just say, for now, that it concerns a restaurant.  Studios would be foolish to NOT pick this show up when it’s completed.  Maybe some more details later…can’t divulge any more at this time.

As I left my meeting, I crossed the street and was immediately verbally accosted by some random hero about a situation up the street.  I can see cop cars and a fire truck.  I’m minding my own business and don’t really give a crap about whats going on.  My thought was that the fire alarm went off at the pizza place.  This man informed me that someone was hit by a car on a bike and the guy who hit the biker was the owner of the pizza place.  This guy said his peace, didn’t let me get a word in and continued on his way.  I watched him for a moment as he walked towards the scene.  He stopped everyone in his path to tell them about it.

I worked today. It was my day off, but they needed help any way.  Working in the kitchen isn’t glorious work, but I enjoy hanging with the guys every once and a why and making them laugh.  I can only take the estrogen factory out front so much during the week.  The best part of cooking is seeing what you can actually come up with.  Seeing the finished product and knowing that YOU put your heart and soul into it

Ever try and think about what you did during the day only to find that you can’t remember anything good about it. That’s me right now.  It’s okay some days are just more interesting than others.  I’m feeling a good one for tomorrow.

side note: i hate when people randomly tell me a story and they refer to people that i have never met by name.  the worst part is they don’t preface anything by saying “oh sam, who i met and college and dated for 6 months” It just comes out at as, “yea sam called me yesterday and said we are through”…who the fuck are you talking about? and why do you think i care?

Once I returned to CT from NJ I became even more sick.  Apparently NJ is a very dirty place? Gives you disease? Who knew? On the drive home I called my boss and informed him that I would not be able to make it to work.  He didn’t really need to ask why, he could hear it in my nearly non-existent voice that I was in no shape to be entertaining the general public much less handling their food. Nothing was helping me feel better, finally on the second day I went to the walk-in clinic to find out what the eff was wrong.  “A very bad infection in your throat,” said the doctor. Of course, the only way he determines this is by shining he his flashlight that looks into my throat down into my throat and says “hmm” a few times.  No swabs, or blood samples or anything like that. Well he is the professional, am I right?  Who am I to second guess this fellow.  So he hands me a piece of paper with some scribble on it and what looks to be a signature at the bottom.  This guy could be giving me poison for all I know.  “Take this as directed and you’ll feel better in a few days.” A few days?  Nothing like slow and steady.

The short heavy set chap at the pharmacy was obviously having a great day too.  You know that customer service person who is holding back every thread of hate for the general public.  Thinking that the work he is doing is so below him. That was this guy.  He must of felt that the things that I was asking him to do (Fill prescription and update insurance information) was just too much.  I love it too when the computer malfunctions for a short while and these people actually roll their eyes at it like the computer made a conscious decision to fuck the guy over for those 30 seconds.  My final chuckle comes when everything is finally done, he acts like he wasn’t acting completely irrational this whole time, smiles and says, “have a nice day.”

I’m not one for medicine unless I absolutely have to take it.  I have epilepsy, I NEED to take that medication, but beyond that I almost refuse to take anything else.  I will take the occasional Tylenol if it feels like someone cracked me over the head with a sledge hammer, but that’s it.  Shortly after taking my first does of antibiotics and “cough syrup” I was loopy as hell and immediately fell asleep.

The rest of the days were spent doing laundry, playing Modern Warfare 2 and one day of work.  3 of the most unproductive days of my life and it sucks.  New week, new state of health, new material to write.  I ready….are you?

side note: my dreams continue to rule.  I need to will write about one in the coming days.

Just my luck.  We stood for a moment looking around.  The sky was overcast and the wind blew steadily. I could only look at her briefly so I wouldn’t give anything away.  I’m sure she knew this was special.  We practically sprinted out of the house to get here.  I could feel it in my pocket, moving about, I tried not to play with it to much.  She looked at me with that, well-what-are-we-gonna-do-now, look on her face.  Simple.

“Let’s just go in anyway, we’ve come this far.”

She giggled. We both made our way underneath the small fence that was lowered to keep out the cars.  She skipped ahead and I lagged behind a bit recited my endless lines.  I didn’t know the first thing about doing this or how to even start I was hoping she knew so I could laugh it off quick and she could guide me the rest of the way.  Wishful thinking I guess.

The lake was vast with small little islands that seemed to float randomly about the middle of the lake.  The fog had rolled in and had made this less than the ideal day to be here.  But! I told myself I was going to and I wasn’t backing down.  We talked along the path that we walked around the lake.  My hands began to shake.  I was rambling more than talking to her.  The wind had died down and it had warmed up a bit.  There was no excuse for me to be so cold. We sat down on a picnic table, I had stalled long enough.

I took her by the hand. “So I was thinking the other day of the past few years and what it has truly meant to me.  I don’t have enough time on this earth to tell you what that has meant to me.  All I know is that the time that we have been together has made me realize the need for so much more.  I was a person years ago that I may not always have been happy with.  I did things that I was not always proud, but the day I met you it became a different story all together.  There is not a day I regret the person I am anymore and it’s because you are here with me.  You’ve showed me what it is to be true to myself and to someone I love.  I did not know I could love another as much as I love you,” she attempted to interrupt, “wait just let me finish.”

My body was shaking.  “Are you cold?” She asked.

“Mary,” I grabbed her hands tighter, ” I love you more than anything in this world and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you everyday.” He eyes filled with water. I got down on one knee and reached into my pocket.  The small box trembled in my hand.  I showed it to her and click open the top. “Will you marry me?”

Her eyes, now erupting with tears, could not even hide the smile she had.  Her heart sank and was filled with joy.  I’m not sure I even know how to describe her reaction.  Through all the smiles and tears and sniffles I could make out only one word and it was all I needed to hear. “Yes.”  I took her in my arms and told her once more that I loved her.

When we had pulled back into the driveway to the house my dad, uncle, and brother stood at the entrance of the garage.  They had known for weeks this was going to happen, but what they didn’t know was how it would all unfold.  Mary was still in shock when we pulled into the driveway.  I rubbed her back a little bit before exiting the car. As I moved around the front of the car to open the door for her I could see her burst into tears again, followed by a big laugh.  I opened up the door and it took her a few minutes to exit the car, but this was her time.  She could take all the time she needed.  I looked towards my family.  They all just stood and smiled at me.  When Mary was finally ready to get out I took her by the hand and helped her out.  She was having trouble walking and still crying and laughing at the same time.  She held out her hand.

“Look how beautiful the ring is…”

I looked to my brother who is older than I.  I knew right then that he knew I made the right choice and I was becoming the man that I was supposed to be, he was proud of me.  My dad came over and gave Mary a hug and welcomed her to the family.  My life was going by a thousand miles an hour and I was holding on by my fingernails, but I was thankful for the endless support my family gave me.

There was always the broken ship that we loved.  I couldn’t tell you where it is now or if it even still exists, but all it was was an old clipper ship that was rotting away right alongside the river bank.  It was truly a sight to see.  Could have been a pirate ship for all we knew.  Sometimes, we’d request “the special way” which would take us by the cranes.  These cranes didn’t really mean anything to us at the time.  Come to think of it, they had absolutely no point.  They were just another point along our trip towards our final destination.  If we went by at night they were all lit up which was always a plus.  The NH liquor store was also an interesting landmark. We would all stop there to use the bathroom and dad would restock on beer for home.  Finally, the fondest landmark is the umbrella tree.  It is a giant tree, still standing today, that towers high above all the others and look like an umbrella. When this tree came into view it marked the last stretch of road before the house.  It was a momentous occasion when this tree came into view.

The only reason I am actually writing this today is because my dad actually pointed out the umbrella tree to me today.  I haven’t been here for about 4 years so had forgotten about it and most of the stuff along the way.  So when he finally said something to me it brought back all the memories of traveling, happiness, sadness, and everything in between.  It truly made me appreciate my humble up bringing.  I had missed a lot. The tree was now dead and would no longer grow any leaves.

This road that had been so familiar to me once was now a road forgotten.  It was no more familiar to me than a far away land that I had yet to visit.  I guess it made me a little sad.