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Name: Thomas
Email:
Web Site: http://www.tomshaggy.com
Bio: This is me, to put it simply. I like many different subject matters. Many of which overlap each other. I enjoy what I do every single day and thought it was only fair to bring everyone else a piece of that. You were curious enough to click a link to find out what tomshaggy.com was and here you are. Tomshaggy.com is a digital recreation of what it is like to be me. I can't tell everyone my stories or show every single person what I'm interested in right now, so I post it here. Content ranges from stories I have to tell, items that occupy my mind throughout the day and even a look into my daily activities. Read, enjoy, comment, respond, ask questions. All acceptable. Hope to hear from you all soon.
Posts by tom:
August 29, 20-Something
August 30th, 2010Ever just have one of those days where you aren’t really sure what kind of mood you are in. It just ebbs and flows depending on who is around you. Some day’s its when you have family around that you are at your happiest and my friends I’m not as excited to see, or vice versa. Either way, I found myself in a constant state of back and forth and forced to believe that it was all on account that I hadn’t been getting good sleep the past couple nights, yet here I lay at 1:28 am, listening to the Inception soundtrack, trying to keep my eyes open, and writing for you fine people.
So I recently drove by a small convenience store with a sign on the outside that read, “Cold Beer, Lotto, Asian Gifts…” Have we really been conditioned to be signaled into a single building with just the comprehension of those first three words, Cold Beer and Lotto? I found it strange, and maybe its an old sign and it no longer applies, that such things are the best marketing tools that these places have to get them in. What is with Asian Gifts? “For those of you who are looking for a stuffed kitten…” Apparently, that would be the place to shop for it.
I just nodded off..
Speaking of Inception, it’s still trending on Twitter. Mind informing me why? I know it’s a good movie, but are people really still asking questions. At this point I’m sure everyone has their own version of the ending and Christopher Nolan has the sequel written.
Funny Trends:
#adudeshouldnot (twitter): trust a hoe….i mean, who cares. yet another useless hashtag that people overuse to take out their anger on their recently failed love life because they actually admit that they might actually suck at life too.
#becauseofgaga (twitter): you gotta love anything to do with lady gaga, because of gaga we have finally hit an all time high, or low, however you wanna look at it, for most absurd person on the face of the planet.
fell asleep again…..
#givemeareason (twitter): I believe it was tracy chapman that first coined this phrase, but leave it to twitter to destroy anything meaningful in our life and turn into a free way to communicate and make money. I can give you a thousand reasons why #twitterismylife, #fuckmeright?
side note: I’ve decided that if I used one more hashtag in this entry I was gonna commit virtual suicide which wouldn’t have ended well for anyone….an-y-one.
[gmap]
City of Ice: Preview
August 24th, 2010Aren’t sure if you’re ready to splurge to get your very own copy? Well then let me try and grab your attention with the first few parts. Take a few minutes and breeze through and see what you think. As of right now I have copies available for sale. I’ll be autographing all copies for everyone that purchases a copy as a token of my appreciation. For a limited time as well an alternate ending will be printed with the first 25 copies that I sell. After that I will not release it. I hope you enjoy.
* * *
Part One: Establishment
The elevator descended from the top floors of the office building. The man inside rolled up his sleeve and looked down at his Rolex, 5:34 pm. He was draped in an Armani suit, shoes, and wool trench coat with two men standing to either side of him, obviously bodyguards, by the way they dressed in leather jackets that opened just enough exposing their firearms, and dark sunglasses that they wore, even indoors. Their bodies remained still. The man in the suit checked his watch again and began reading the facts about the elevator. One detail he caught in particular, the elevator moved at 100 feet per minute, as if to say without speaking that the elevator was going to slow. The elevator car slowed as it approached the bottom floor and bobbed to a stop. The doors opened slowly to the outside world and the man took a step out towards the lobby. “Don’t forget to take care of him tonight at the dock’s. Be sure to keep it quiet.” There was no answer. The man turned back towards the elevator, he was alone.
He could see his breath and a cold breeze hit him from behind. The man turned in confusion holding his hand in front of his face. The lobby was frozen over and the windows broken. The floor was stained black in a few spots. He crossed the broken window and out onto the street. The light disappeared as if the sun had suddenly set without warning. The world had gone to hell, if hell was a frozen metropolis wasteland. A single trashcan, which was on fire, lit the street. A dark shadow hovered around the outside.
“Hello?” The man called out.
There was no answer. The man started walking toward the trash barrel. Frantically, the dark figure dug a hole in the ground. The man stood above the hole and looked down at the dark figure.
“Who are you!? What have you done with everybody!?” Assuming that this creature was responsible for everything that was happening.
The dark figure quickly looked up at him. It was fully clothed in black, it’s face covered, but through the mask he could see the inner workings of a facial muscular system that closely resembled a human face. The man jumped back in fear. He noticed some of the things in the hole. The man blinked and the dark figure stood next to him tossing in files and stacks of money all labeled with the man’s name.
“What have you done!?”
The dark figure kicked over the barrel and lit the pit of possessions on fire. In the blink of an eye, the figure disappeared. The man searched around and screamed. His voice echoed through dead air. The figure appeared across the road and with a snap of its fingers the fire was out. It held out a doll in its hand that closely resembled that of the man. He began to move the pins in the back and the man fell to his knees in agonizing pain trying to pull out the invisible knives.
He pulled a gun from his leather shoulder holster and fired at the figure. It disappeared and the doll fell to the ground. Slowly, the man picked himself up out of the snow. The stars and moon lit his path as he began to walk again. He had a hitch in his step.
“Where are you!” He screams.
The man stood in the middle of the remains of 7th Ave. The dark figure stood only a few feet in front of him at the edge of the street. They stood in looked at each other for a moment. The kind of stand off that took place in the Wild West at high noon. The man was quick on his draw and fired a few bullets in the way of the dark figure. The bullets stopped abruptly just before it hit the figure and fell to the ground. It turned and walked away from him. The man followed slowly. The buildings grew farther apart as they approached an open field. The man began to jog after the figure and then sprint. He gained no ground on the being. No matter how fast he ran the figure stayed just out of reach. Carefully, leisurely, the figure stepped through the street and into the field. The sound of the man behind him did not phase it. The man continued to sweat and was now out of breath. Day light crept up from the horizon.
“Who are you? What have I done to deserve this!?”
The dark figure turned once more at him and put his hand up as if to signal to stop. He bent his wrist downward and the man flew to the ground. His body hit the ground shattering the earth like a stone hitting a frozen lake on a warm day. He fell through the darkness.
“Will you learn to love? Will you find yourself? I know what you have done. Now the question is whether or not you are capable. This is your test.” The figure turned and disappeared into daylight.
*
January 1st: Session #1
“There is a certain level of commitment you give to your worldly possessions. All the money, cars, women and power in the world couldn’t buy happiness. There must be another way to reach my family. I’m here to figure out where I went wrong.”
The timer on the desk clicked to zero and a short alarm sounded. The man looked at the clock as it began to tremble and freeze on the table. His body shook in fright and his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he fell to the floor.
Part Two: Your Own Worst Enemy
The sun glimmered off the snow. The man laid face down with his arms and legs spread as if he’d just fallen from the sky. Still dressed in his suit, wool over coat and scarf. He opened his eyes and picked his head up slowly. The blistering cold wind blew the white powder across the ground. There was nothing to see.
Slowly, he stood up and brushed himself off. He guarded his eyes with his hands and looked in all directions, nothing. He took a few more steps and wrapped the scarf around his face. A tall dark figure stood in the distance, but only a silhouette. He couldn’t discern if it was the same dark figure that stalked him earlier. He put one foot out and attempted to grip the ground below. His legs collapsed under the pressure of his body and the ground below him cracked and broke apart. His body fell into darkness.
*
He stood in the 60th floor office of the midtown financial building. Still he shivered from the extreme cold of the frozen plains in the 74-degree office. He looked around in disbelief. Behind him stood two men and a man with his hands tied behind his back. The man on the left rubbed his swollen knuckles. This was the businessman’s office. How did he get back here? The man tied down could barely see from one eye. He braced for impact as the henchman delivered another vicious blow to his face. The sound of the beaten mans broken cheekbones caused the man in the suit to cringe in disgust.
*
He opened his eyes to a sea of white again; he was no longer in his office. The wind and sun blistered the skin on his face. There was no telling from which direction he had come. Each step closer to the dark figure in the distance seemed to put him farther away. His body felt frail. He fell to one knee and tried to pick himself back up. The bitter cold was too much for him and his legs gave out from underneath him. Darkness took him once more.
*
The black Cadillac pulled up in the alley. The rank stench of festering garbage suggested a mid-summer season. The sky was bright, but the air thick. The tinted windows slowly lowered as the other car pulled up next to it. The man in the suit pulled up next to Cadillac slowly, this was to be an exchange of resources. It was an exchange of minerals from one man’s gun to on man’s body. The silenced bullet pierced the air frantically. The man’s importance had no bearing on the value of his life. A bullet didn’t have remorse for any of its victims. He fired again into the back seat this time for a new target. The victim attempted to roll up the window, but the accelerating piece of metal pierced the glass, entered the front of the man’s skull ending his life. From the back of the skull exited the high speed projectile, it hit the brick wall on the far side of the car shattering the background like glass returning the man to darkness.
*
The man awakened suddenly, like from a bad dream. His pupils constricted quickly to focus his vision and accommodate for the intensity of the light. Slowly, the feeling of life returned to his body and he was on his feet again. He made his way toward the dark object. It appeared to be holding it’s hand in the air. He looked around at the frozen desert.
“Why am I here?” He let out a small laugh, “Where is here?”
He pressed forward through the blizzard that pummeled his face like tiny shards of glass. He remembered his family; mother, father and beautiful wife. He embraces them on a beautiful summer morning. The trips to the country to visit everyone were always filled with laughter. His strength had returned, but as the object became clearer, he began to stumble. He was disturbed by his nightmares. The endless murder of his insubordinate employees and pay offs to endless senators began to haunt him. No one ever got in his way. He fought to provide for his family to give them everything they wanted. He always did things in the name of family and honor.
He sprinted through the snow until he had reached the dark ominous figure from before. His feet slid through the snow and his body came to a halt a few feet from the figure. He was now face to face with the person who had haunted him for years. It was a man that stood before him, one that he knew all too well. He laughed back at him. Somehow, he knew it would come to this, that he would need to face his demons one day. This thing, though as much as a man as it was, could only be described as a thing, stood smiling at him like a small child that had just found his Christmas presents
His story of corruption, drugs, and murder were enough for fifty lifetimes. In his pocket he found a familiar object. He pulled the 9mm out from the trench coat pocket, raised his arm, locked it outstretched in front of him, and he met eyes with himself. It was time to leave his old life behind him and remember the good man he was inside.
He stood before himself. Still it smirked at him, taunting him without even saying a word. He looked into his own eyes and pulled back on the cold trigger. He could feel the intricacies of the gun move. The hammer slammed forward and the firing pin plunged against the back of the bullet. The slide flew back and ejected the old bullet casing. Out of the end of the barrel he watched the small muzzle flash melt all the snow around the front barrel and the bullet accelerate out towards his enemy. He had done this so many times that even the sight of the bullet penetrating his own head wasn’t enough to make him flinch.
“Whatever the cost, I will find my true self and correct the mess that lay on the path behind me.”
He stood over the lifeless body of his corruption, greed and murderous self. A clear vision of who he really was began to come into focus. He wasn’t the monster that lay bleeding before him. This was only the beginning. He was beginning to understand this was a test.
He dropped his gun and walked on.
Part Three: Denial
January 8th: Session #2
“What was your family life like?”
“Family life was good. My wife and I never had children, there were plans, but hadn’t quite gotten to that point yet.” The man said. “Well, let’s put it this way, there was never any obvious discontent in our marriage.”
“I see.” The doctor scribbled a few notes down and the man, now behind him, tried to make out what he had wrote. He could only make out a partial word, which was all he needed to see.
“Denial?! ARE YOU INSANE!”
“Sit.” The doctor asked politely. A white flash came over the office.
It’s Been 5 Years…
August 24th, 2010So I was thinking today on the way into work that a) I haven’t posted in a while and b) how funny The Juggernaut is. Remember when that video of The Juggernaut came out with those gangsta’s doing a voice over of all the X Men characters but it really centered on how ridiculous the Juggernaut was as a character and all the costumes that were donned by all characters.
Turning 25 was a big enough deal without having to realize that a half decade had passed since I had nearly first pissed my pants while watching this video. I age more and more each day, but I feel the same as I did the day the video came out and forget that I am now much older. The world gets younger and I grow older, but I guess that is the way of the world. What else has changed in 5 years? Where was I five years ago? Everything has changed in the 5 years I don’t even remember the person I was and probably wouldn’t want to know him anymore. People I work with wish they could meet them, but I do not wish that on them. I have learned so much, how to control myself in so many ways, that I would not want anyone to understand the awful person I once was. Five years ago I sat in a private university in Madison, NJ with some of the best people I have ever met and one of the most beautiful person I have ever loved. I never thought that I would now be managing a restaurant in West Hartford, CT with the most eclectic group of people, writing books and enjoying every minute.
Where were you?
side note: i just heard a cover of Nancy Sinatra – Bang, Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) I think it’s Cher and it’s awful.
What’s New? – Negative Cutters
August 7th, 2010So last time I posted something worth reading it was a run-down of what I had been doing for the previous month. I’m hoping, cross my fingers, that August does not turn out the same way, but I did do something interesting the past few days and I’d like to share that with you. I did some guest on a Podcast, yup yup, NERD ALERT, podcast I said. It is something I have wanted to do for a while now, create my own podcast that is. One of my regulars at the restaurant I run invited me to sit in on their panel of regular guys that discuss Movie Trailers. Without further ado, I give you….NEGATIVE CUTTERS.
What are they?
A group of guys and the girls occasionally that review movie trailers. When I heard that I would be able to “guest star” on four of them I nearly lost my shit. Anyone who knows me well know how much I hate being late for a movie so I may watch the trailers and see if anything good is coming out. Which, these days, doesn’t really seem to be anything much. The podcast comes out on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday’s and is hosted by John Beck. John also runs a Warcraft Podcast called: The Instance and another Podcast called: Brain Bottle which discussing different solutions to past/present/future topics. Negative Cutters is a unique perspective of movie rating based only on minimal details and is something we all do everyday when we see a trailer on TV or in the theater. It was one of the many things that interested me as I recorded with them and became more comfortable speaking my mind with them. My first episode will be on Wednesday, August 11th, 2010, look for it and laugh at me.
Hey guys, one last thing….I am currently looking for an illustrator to illustrate City of Ice. If anyone knows someone who’d be willing to do it perhaps, pro-bono as a resume builder or a relatively decent price, then I’d love to talk to them!! Shoot me an email on the Contact page. Thanks again.
Side Note: whoever thought of the term “you shouldn’t bite off more than you can chew” obviously never had me in mind…
“Untitled Project #2″ Preview
August 7th, 2010I’m not sure how long you guys have been waiting to see something like this, but I’m sure you’re all set on me talking about City of Ice. This project has been on my mind for quite some time now and those of you who know me best already have heard about it. This website is not for those people, this is for everyone else out there who is looking for a little more inside information on the man, the myth, that is me. So here goes nothing. Leave any comments you wish at the bottom!!
*
[BEGIN]
The two sat across from each other in a moment of silence. The room smelled of several collections of leather bound books and a hardwood floor that was recently refinished. The walls were covered in a variety of artwork, some professional and some amateur. An easel and canvas stood behind the couch. The grayed middle-aged man on the left sat completely still with his right leg over his left with his pad and pencil jotting a few notes. A PhD in psychology hung behind him above the mantle. The man on the right sat on the couch looking at his clammy palms. Sweat dripped from his brow on to the warm leather couch. His eyes moved from side to side and his feet bounced rapidly on the balls of his feet. His jacket weighed heavy to one side.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” The psychologist asked.
The man bit his thumbnails and shook his head at the floor. His face, flushed of life, perspired into cold beads of water that he wiped away with his fragile hands. The timer buzzed on the desk next to the psychologist. He leaned over and tapped the small vibrating brain.
“It’s okay Michael you don’t have to say anymore, we’ll save the rest for next time.”
“There isn’t going to be a next time doc. I’m just about had it with everything here. Nothing in my life is real anymore. I don’t have the time I need to make the amends I was prepared to make. Two months is not enough time and to know that you are just rotting away like that makes it easily as difficult,” Michael stood hysterical in front of the doctor.
“Michael, how many times have we gone over this? This is a glass half empty problem. You refuse to see the good. The time you have left can be spent doing whatever you’d like. Don’t make this so hard on yourself. There are so many people who love you out there.”
“The glass isn’t half anything doc. You know and I know it, it was empty from the day I was put in the hospital and told,” He ripped off his hat, “that this would be the end.” Michael pointed to his baldhead. “The endless chemo-therapy that just made me feel even worse. Night after night with my head in a toilet and the endless body aches and pains. Fuck this.” Without warning the man drew the six-shooter from his jacket and aimed it at his temple. He turned his body perpendicular to the couch and fired a single round straight through his head.
“Michael, NO!” The doctor screamed.
The spray of blood hit the canvas behind the couch cascaded down over the fabric. The bullet pierced the top right corner of canvas creating the illusion of a bleeding canvas. The doctor fell to his knees and checked Michael’s vitals. He was dead.
“Why God! Why!!” The doctor yelled. He grabbed the phone and dialed 911. He looked up at the canvas as he held the phone to his ear.
“911, please state the nature of your emergency,” there was a long pauce, “hello? Hello!?” The doctor could not take his eyes off of the blood pattern on the canvas.
“Um, yes hi, the is Dr. James Lewis. A patient of mine has just committed suicide please send an ambulance right away.”
[END]
A Weekend Without Oil
July 26th, 2010
image taken from: weekendwithoutoil.org
I really encourage everyone to sign up and pledge your time to participate in this. This disaster in the gulf has shown us how small problems quickly become everyone’s very big problem. This is something that we can all accomplish, it’s only two days, and I believe that you will surprise even yourself once when you are finally there. It’s time to let go of the instant gratification that we all feel everyday and embrace sustainability. Make it worth it and make it last. Oil is going to destroy this planet. Ride a bike, drink tap water, stream movies from the web, put locally sourced foods. There are 11 different things to do the weekend of August 21-22, be sure to take part and help the planet that you live for you kids and there kids. Click this image above to add your name to list!
Where Have I Been? Predators, Inception, Books, Life
July 26th, 2010There is nothing worse than disappearing for an extended period of time knowing that there are people out there reading my every word, however few that may be. Sometimes the real world takes a hold of you and there is no escaping. I believe in the power of the written word and I’ve tried to keep up, but unfortunately my real job has gotten in the way and I apologize for that. But here I am to fill you in on what it is that I have been doing.
First off, Predators…At first I was skeptical. Like most people I understood how great the first Predator was how each subsequent Predator became worse and worse. Though it was great to see Danny Glover get his ass kicked and Gary Busey get killed in Predator 2, and witness the badassery of both Aliens and Predators do battle, not once, but twice, those stories had little to almost nothing to offer. This one payed homage to the first one with many similar characters, situations, and even specific dialogue while taking on its own new story. Adrian Brody, who I was definitely skeptical about as well, played the part of a ex-US Black Ops operative, and drove the part home. He was stone cold and believable. His supporting case, Danny Trejo, Topher Grace, Alice Braga, and Laurence Fishbourne was not a group to be trifled with, even Topher who has left his 70′s reality behind him, but I won’t spoil that for you though. Overall, when planet earth’s deadliest killers are dropped on an alien game preserve to do battle with the universes most badass alien, get ready for some serious action. Worth the pretty penny it takes to see movies these days.
Inception…I’m not sure there is a word to properly describe the mind-fuck that this movie has to offer. You will not leave the theater the same person if you appreciate movies in the same capacity as myself. Or if you are a person who has any sort of fascination in dreaming in general, get ready to be wowed. Leonardo DiCaprio joins, Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tom Hardy, Ken Wantanabe, and Cillian Murphy in one of the most mind bending movies of all time. Learn to dream within a dream with this team of dream thieves as they attempt to implant a idea in to an unsuspecting host, Cillian Murphy, using a technique called inception. Director Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight, Memento) creates a beautiful world dreaming and will answer all your questions on what happens in your mind while you sleep. The movie is worth seeing twice as your will certainly miss things, and/or be confused your first time around. Hans Zimmer does the soundtrack which only put this movie further at the top for me. It is the complete package, your next night off should be spent watching this with your best friend.
In case you are a dream nut, like myself, check this link out on Wikipedia on Lucid Dreaming. There is a lot of cool stuff in there.
Besides these two movies, my time has been writing my book now titled, City of Ice. It’s taken many twists and turns and I’m finally getting it to where I want it. I promise you will be seeing more on it very soon. It’s coming along beautifully, if you’d like a preview of it you can request one off of Contact page. I’d love to send you a copy.
side note: all is not fair in love and war
A Foot on the Otherside
July 8th, 2010By Josh Trota
There comes a time in one’s life when you really start to realize things about yourself. I’m not talking about objective things like I’m a good person or a bad person. I’m talking about more in depth thoughts of one’s self. The things that when you sit down and think about them you really start to get a sense of who you are as a person; ponder all of your life experiences and try to figure out how you got to where you are today. Of all the paths and goals that you could have followed, what are those few defining events, actions, and thoughts that took you down the winding, straight, narrow, wide, enlightening, and confusing paths of your life?
While going to counseling sessions, one of these events has become clear to me that I was not totally aware of prior. For a long time I was in such despair and my life had been overtaken by emotions that I could not control. I was angry, I was bitter and most importantly I was fearful. Fearful of losing important people around me just like I lost my dad. The byproduct of this fear was a barrier that I put up to “protect” me from being vulnerable and to “protect” those around me from pulling away from me. What a joke this so-called “protective” barrier that I created for my self actually was. It was nothing more than a reaction concocted out of fear in order to hide my vulnerability. In fact, this barrier was doing the opposite of what my subconscious wanted it to do. It was actually pushing people away. I was on the outside looking in at this person doing these things and I knew wasn’t the true me, which is a very scary thing.
Counseling: Self-realization #1
What I realized during one particular section, talking about religion and the supernatural, is that I have become a part of death. Before you think I’m just being morbid and depressing listen to the explanation. First of all, my religious views are pretty plain and simple. I believe that there is a god(s) and there have been many saviors that walk(ed) this Earth. A place called “Heaven” doesn’t necessarily exist but a place where souls go after they pass certainly exists. I believe that souls either live on to help us from the Otherside or become a part of the Earth to help it. Now, for anyone who wonders what death feels like, you may or may not already know the feeling. When you lose someone who’s very close, whether you realize it or not, you have a connection with the Otherside. You know what it’s like to die. As that person is lying on the hospital bed, they are going through the same pain and suffering that you are going through because we don’t want to let go. Since my dad died I have always felt something that I haven’t been able to put my finger on until now. I feel as if I have one foot in the natural world and one in the supernatural. That connection with my dad passing is a part of me that I neglected for far to long. This is a part of who I am, as well as my vulnerabilities due to that event. Realizing this totally dissolved that “protective” barrier. This was something based on fear and I no longer have reason to fear loss. I’m allowed to be vulnerable, allowed to break down and cry, allowed to confess my emotions, and allowed to be a person unrestricted by death.
Now when I sit alone, I don’t feel alone at all. This realization has brought me closer to my dad and his advice even from the Otherside. I can feel his presence all the time, all around me. When I sit in solace and ask him for help, I can hear him and I know what to do. This connection was neglected for so long, it makes me ashamed that I couldn’t hear him clearly because of my own insecurities and fear. I wanted him back so bad I was willing to cut him off subconsciously. That same fear almost took me down a path where I had no control over my emotions and actions, which certainly would have shoved the ones I loved away. I have now come to a huge turning point in my life where I know who I am. My eyes are open and I’m finally happy again. This lost sheep is finding his way with great success.
