Feminine Omega

Thu, Jul 1, 2010

By Justine Campbell

We sat across from each other staring. To keep my hands occupied, I rode my finger tips along the rim of the wine glass. It was so easy to lose my train of thought in his eyes. I felt the corners of my lips curl up. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, it was peaceful. I couldn’t help but smile. Not enough men I’d previously dated understood the value of silence but he did. For other women this might have been a quirk but for me, it was a quality in a man I could not live without.

My hair was a wreck and I’d only had enough time to put on cherry lip balm before leaving the house but he didn’t seem to mind. I fussed with my hair. From the look in his eyes, I could tell he preferred me like this.

After a few moments, I took a sip of the white wine in my glass with my eyes still glued to his. Quickly scanning his face, I couldn’t help but admire. He was a handsome man with olive skin and untamed facial hair. He didn’t make much of an effort to look good; he simply had a natural air of attractiveness. I couldn’t understand why he loved me when he could love anyone (women far better looking than I am) but I didn’t doubt what we had, I didn’t dare.

The quiet between us felt good. We just looked at each other as we often did to pass the time.

The silence was disrupted by his words, “Whatever I had before no longer matters. Something has happened inside of me. Everything I have ever known about myself has been forgotten, manipulated by your essence and has transformed me into someone new.”

Any other woman might view this as sweet talk but I was enamored by the way he spoke. It was much like the way he wrote.

Acknowledging what he said, I smirked while trying to come up with the perfect rebuttal. I decided to stick with how I truly felt.

“I don’t know why or how, but I know that I don’t want to know. I’ve never admitted to believing in fate, not until the first time I looked into your eyes. Some things are best left unexplained. Today I’m thankful for what is,” I tell him.

I surprised myself with such an eloquent response.

Pausing to catch my breath, I continue to say, “All I know is that, after today, I will never have to worry about being alone.”

And I didn’t have to worry about being alone. He was faithful in every sense of the word.

As if it were a reflex, I reach across the table for his hand, carefully lacing my fingers in his. With my free hand, I take a swig of the last bit of wine in my glass. We mutually agree with a nod of our heads that it’s time to go. Getting up we slowly walked to the door, hands laced tightly. Our movements across the coffee house were in sync.

The sun gently kissed the horizon illuminating the sky with reds, oranges and purples. The air was hazed and dreamlike. We stop in front of the coffee house for a moment to say our goodbyes.

“I will see you tomorrow” he says slowly, as if the next day was centuries away. He lets go of my hand gently and begins running across the street to catch the light. He turned, disregarding the oncoming traffic to bid au revoir. I liked the way his face looked in this light, his smile bright, revealing two rows of white teeth. The Honda was too fast, his movement too slow. The smile on my face slid off as I drew my hands to my face in horror.

His 6’1 frame came crashing to the cement, no signs of pain, he was lifeless. The compact car stood in front of his body. People yelled and screamed but I didn’t acknowledge their presence.

I ran over while tears flooded my eyes, clouding my vision. Blood was everywhere, settling in the cracks of the cement. His chest heaved up and down as he struggled to breathe. I leaned over whispering words of promise and love that only his ears could hear.

The sky slowly darkened but in spite of the lack of light, I remain hunched over his frame. I’d wait there forever just to know he was okay.