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Personally, I find it inappropriate to tell a person when and how to let go. It is reflexive for a person to say, “just let it go” when they feel a friend has carried the weight of a lost relationship far too long. Though this is sound advice and usually said with good intention however, it’s hypocritical because no one really knows what moving on or letting go entails – it could be days, months, years and in a worse case scenario, not at all.

Letting go isn’t restricted to relationships – it could be a death in the family or a long-term friendship that goes sour. Letting go is nothing more than a process that every human deals with differently. Some more quickly than others.

Completely moving on is just as unexpected as finding love. In some cases, a person never truly let’s go, they simply force themselves to move forward but never fully let go of the memories tied to the relationship, friendship or person. Though a relationship, friendship and individual’s life are not guaranteed to be around “forever”, memories of good times shared with a person are everlasting and this makes letting go seem like an impossible feat and for some people letting go never really happens. Letting go requires deleting all emotions – the good, the bad and in between – attached to a person whether that person be an old friend or an ex-boyfriend or the late.

People mourn because it’s healthy and I believe everyone is entitled to mourn their losses. Cry, write or work out – whatever you choose to do, do it and feel no type of regret about it because it’s your form of moving on or at least getting back to your mental equilibrium. Rushing the process will only make things harder and leave you ping-ponging between your true feelings and what others around you think you should be feeling. It’s no one’s place to tell you when letting go is appropriate, you dictate that and should maintain that right no matter what anyone says. Truth is that person does not know the specifics of your relationship or friendship with the person.

In my own personal experience, it depends on the situation and how attached I was to the person. I’ve let go of situations in as little as two weeks but I’ve also had situations that pained me to such an extent that I spent months and months trying to “get over it” and return to “living” as though that person was never a huge part of my life even though they were. The longer I held on to the past usually reflected how strongly I felt for the person and how much emphasis I placed on their being in my life – having them gone felt like my world came crashing down on my head.

It’s hard to erase a person, sometimes you hold a person to such a high regard that losing them feels as though the world is ending even though you know it is not.

Normally I refrain from telling a friend that has broken up with their boyfriend or been broken up with to move on because it’s not my place and it never will be my place, I simply say, “time heals everything”. Everyone is familiar with this phrase and though it doesn’t seem like it sends much of a message it has more truth to it than any lengthy advice your “best friend” or “mother” might give you.

The next time you do decide to tell someone to “let it go” remember that you wouldn’t want someone to tell you this if you were in the same situation. As cliché as this sounds, be sympathetic and place yourself in the other person’s shoes – it will enlighten you and possibly strengthen your friendship because you are being understanding instead of judgmental of your friend’s way of dealing and getting over their loss.

Think of the advice you’d like to receive if you were in the same predicament – you’d expect compassion and respect so give it. It is not your God given task to tell someone to move on. Just let the person do it on their own terms.